When it’s classic, leave your kids at home

January 12, 2012
On my bed, Jakarta

Dear Parents Who Brought Their Kids To The Classical Music Concert Last Night:

I have no doubt that both of us, me and you — Parents, share the same interests in classical music. Who are your favorites? Mine are a lot! But the top three might be Tchaikovsky, Chopin, and Bach. I am a bit bored with Mozart lately.

Anyway, I am very sure that you might (or might not) have other names. Maybe Brahms? Correct! The young maestro Iskandar Widjaja did play a Brahms, Scherzo, last night. I think it was some three notes F–A-flat–F or something right? As Iskandar mentioned this Frei Aber Einsam (FAE) or “Free, But Lonely” notes before he started playing. I don’t know Brahms that well, apology.

So, what do you think about his last night’s concert? Agreed, he was indeed great (aside from being incredibly hot too)! I think it was pretty short, but I could catch his energy and every single distinctive sound he made with his violin. When I closed my eyes, last night during the concert, and listened to him… I felt like: damn, it’s a recording quality!

I don’t know how you made it to the concert, Parents, but I literally struggled to get there on time. I took a taxi, and asked the driver to go to Bintaro via Tanah Kusir (it’s the nearest route from my place in Palmerah). I swear to God I got inside the taxi at 5.30 p.m. or 90 minutes prior the concert. But an hour and a half anticipation did not seem enough for Jakarta-Bintaro’s demented traffic. Two bloody intersections in Tanah Kusir alone ate my 50 to 60 minutes up. I was about to cry, you know, in panic and despair. I kept asking the driver were we still far from Bintaro toll entry? (I think me and my friend, Hanief, should thank him that he did not kick us out of his cab). Oh yes, don’t mention the rain! I know, It worsen the traffic. Sucks to the max.

But traffic was one thing, dearest Parents. I had of course another issue called “a black dress.” I did not know what I have been munching in the past six months, but now my cute black dress is failing me (or me failing it). It doesn’t fit me anymore, me and my holly fat. I ended up wearing my black ruffles dress, I should thank Elvin for that, because it was her who suggested me to pick that one. I did not look that “black tie ready” but I was fine. Yes, I observed that you Parents also came out with some sweet dresses and suits.

So you see, it was a miracle that I made it there — magically — on time. And of course, as your own plans, too, I supposed, we only wanted to enjoy the concert.

Oh Parents, but did you actually notice what happened then? I couldn’t believe my ears, but besides catching every incredible sound Iskandar was producing with his violin, I also could hear this continuous coughing noise made by little kids. Continuously means non-stop, mind you, for minutes. Also, several other children’s noise, I think some of them was about to cry, another yelled a word or something. It happened in several seconds, then stopped. Then the kids made that noise again. Stopped and on again.

I know, it did not happen that long. But still, was several times and very irritating.

It went very annoying like this: beautiful sound of violin, Iskandar was playing Ravel, Sonate Pour Violon Et Piano, with Christine Utomo. Cough cough cough. Violon et piano. Yell yell yell. Violon et piano. Cry cry cry. Violon et piano. Cough cough cough.

Seriously, Parents, with all due respect, what the fuck?

You bet I know this Golden Rule that parents should introduce their children to classical music. Asking them to learn piano or violin, becoming the next Iskandar Widjaja or just for brain stimulating, whatever, I agreed. Classical music is very beautiful. But Parents, do you know that there is a Platinum Rule, a much more empathetic, sensitive moral guideline than the Golden Rule? Yes there is, and it says: “Never ever, ever, ever take thy kids to classical music concerts!”

Not when they are still three or four or five and could not stop coughing or yelling some words or almost crying during the concert? That is very very very disturbing, for your information, Parents.

Do not get me wrong, you might hear from some friends that I am not a kids-person. Well, that is half true, but I am not saying this because I don’t like little kids. I am writing you this letter simply to re-inform you the existence of the Platinum Rule (in case you forgot it already) or acknowledge it (in case you do not know such rule exists). Also, I am writing this for the sake of the future (all the classical music concerts that you and I might attend).

I truly and honestly think that parents who are caring and supportive of their children’s musical lives are awesome. As long as you, Parents, remember the Platinum Rule. Take your kids to classical music concerts when they know how to enjoy them best. I am sure you too do not like the annoying coughing and yelling and crying noise, do you?

And please, I beg you, to not reply this letter of mine asking me to complain to the concert organizer instead for not having a “children under six are not allowed to enter” policy. Life is complicated already when it implicates two parties, so please abort the idea of involving a third between us.

Yours affectionately,

(signed)

Anita Rachman

P.S. I noticed there was a mother who took their children out of the hall in the middle of the concert after they making some noise. I thank you, I really do!